The Demon Within

She sits alone on the park bench and ponders the events that led to this moment in time…..

The crowded street is bustling with all the excitement of an angry hornet’s nest disturbed by the gardener. There are window shoppers walking briskly down the sidewalks, some hand in hand. They move along in droves, making their way along the busy street. There are several groups of ladies, both young and old, walking along cheerily chattering about their days events and gossiping over the latest scandal that happened to the daughter of the best friend of the minister’s wife. There are several couples walking hand in hand, giggling and flirting with each other as they admire several window displays, stopping every so often to steal one more kiss and back to their walk, as if nothing else exists in the world but them. The businessmen in their suits walk briskly along with briefcase in one hand and cup of java in the other; most are too immersed in their own world of business to notice their hand in front of their face.

This is when it all started, she was only out for her daily walk. She didn’t mean to let her guard down, it just happened. One minute she was walking along the busy street, passing by the shops with all their beautiful window displays. One even caught her eye, it was exquisite, a treasure to behold. She had passed this shop a thousand times before, but this piece definitely warranted a second glance. The background itself was nothing all that special. Simple white taffeta, material draped up and back to create an elegant flowing wave that rolled as if flowing into the store itself. But this Victorian Beauty was like no other she had seen before it. Black as the night sky with no stars to light the way, it was darkness incarnate. The front brim presents a beautiful diaphanous black veil just long enough to barely reveal a ladies sultry eyes taunting from behind. A sole feather flows elegantly off the top of this beauty held down by the most exquisite golden brocade with roses to match. She could not have foreseen the rush of emotions that followed. Emotions that flooded her senses so abruptly, such powerful emotions brought on by the beauty of a simple hat…how could this possibly be?

And that’s when it all went south. One minute she is admiring this beautiful creation, and the next moment she is surmounted by this overwhelming feeling of dread…She has been completely unaware of the darkness lurking within, waiting for that one moment in time when her carefully developed walls of protection would be let down. This one moment of absolute weakness when the veil slips away…..

But that's all it takes…..

She could hear the sinister laughter echo from within as if coming at her from the very air itself. Such a sound could not possibly come from anything of this world. This sound is deafening to the senses, blocking out all rational thought. Such a frightening sound to behold, yet she cannot pinpoint exactly where it originates from. She tries to escape the sound, but no matter where she turns, there it is. Quickly, as if her life depends on this one action, this one moment in time, she ducks into the closest shop.

Silence, finally she feels some relief at the comforting sound of the customers chatter. Then she hears it again, that vile sinister laughing. How is it that no one else in this shop has been alerted by that sound, that ghastly laugh. The sound alone brings a chill to the room, yet everyone else in the shop is still laughing and strolling about the shop. How can everyone be so unaware of the impending doom that will surely follow such an evil laugh?

That’s when she felt it, the insidious and glacial frost. There is nothing that could possibly warm this chill that has overtaken her very soul. As if the chill is not enough, it brings with it what seems to be an infinite darkness. The darkness creeps closer as if it is slowly oozing its way across the room. How is it possible that no one else in the shop is seeing this? Black as tar and just as thick, how can they miss it?

She is completely terrified now; to hear the laughter, and feel the cold, and see the darkness! Yet no one else in the entire shop seems to be bothered by the happenings around them! She dare not move, dare not make a sound for fear of alerting the danger lurking in the darkness.

The laughter of the entering ladies startles her out of her trance. Ever so slowly, she pans the room, inspecting every nook and crevice. She sees nothing more than the mannequins in the window display, with their nonchalant pose showing off this season’s favorite style. Customers are all around talking amongst each other about the weeks activities. She pans over racks and racks of clothing, from pants, to skirts, to dresses, to blouses. But there is nothing here that appears out of place. Dazed and confused, she listens intently for any intimation that what she has just witnessed was not her imaginings. Apprehensively, she works her way toward the door, still panning the room as she walks along. The hair on the back of her neck still bristled at the very thought of what could be lurking in the shadows, watching, waiting for that chance when she least expects it.

She makes it to the sidewalk outside and beyond, to the square across the street. There is a secluded Terraza bench parked underneath a beautiful ancient oak. She has admired this tree on many occasions before this. The tree has been here it seems since the beginning of time. The grand Oak spreads it’s branches out in such an expanse of branches and leaves, reaching up and out, over and around the bench and beyond. To sit on the bench, is like getting a hug as the tree’s branches distend out and around you. Anyone walking by can tell you that this is the warmest place in the park, even in the dead of winter. Such a tranquil and inviting scene, she takes a seat and relaxes for just a moment, unaware of the darkness that lurks just below her surface.

She was just resting there, taking a moment to try to recover some semblance of order to her thoughts. It took her completely by surprise. If you were to ask her, she could not tell you now what triggered it then, but at this point, it was too late. It bubbles up slowly, almost gently, going unnoticed until it is too late. There is no stopping it now, no turning back. One single tear escapes, it trickles out over her eyelid, sliding down her cheek, stopping for just a moment at the crease of her top lip, before continuing on over her lips to her shirt below.

This is only the beginning, there is so much more, the bubbles are getting louder, the sinister voice is back, and it is oh so deafening!

Can she control this beast within her?

She worked so hard for so many years, through so many failed relationships and life’s disappointments, to build those walls of protection. They were meant to keep her safe from the outside forces that hurt and degrade the inner sanctum. All of her life, from the time that she could talk and understand, she was taught that the world is a very vast and dangerous place. She had seen and experienced enough on her own, to know that there is much evil in the world, and such suffering. To keep the walls and veils in place was a necessity, to protect the inner sanctum from all of the tribulations that exist on the outside.

She never imagined that building her walls of protection would result in locking this malicious essence in. She must release it, it hurts so terribly! If she does not release this ghastly energy soon, it very well may be the end of her sanity, her very essence could be shattered forever. It is now or never…

One last deep breath in, one last arduous, quivering sigh out...Trembling with what feels like every solitary nerve that exists in her body, she lets the walls come crumbling down around her. The tears burst through the dam vehemently, flowing out at such a rapid pace, they cannot be stopped. The sinister laugh begins to fade and is replaced by another, more tranquil voice.

This is the voice of reason, it has been there all along. She could not hear it past the other, but it was ever present. This voice is calming, and makes so much more sense as it speaks gently to her and calms her nerves. Though the tears are still flowing, she cannot give rhyme or reason at this point to their origin. The ominous voice is no longer a threat, but the darkness has not completely withdrawn. It still lingers, if only faintly.  She can still feel its effects on her skin, and see the shadow that is being cast upon her soul.

The tears have slowed now and left behind what feels like an empty husk. There is no tear left to shed, no more obnoxious voice left to eradicate. Though her soul is fractured, it is not irreparable. The voice of reason soothes her to sleep, and initiates the curative process.

This is the way it should be, it should have been this way all along...if she had only known...if she had only seen that what she was taught was completely wrong and self destructive. If she had only listened to her own instincts, instead of following the guidance of others, to make inappropriate choices in life. She had so many dreams and ambitions growing up. She had so many natural talents that, if encouraged to exploit and utilize, she would be in a very different place right now. But she was told that they were silly or that they would not get her anywhere in life, so they were set aside or disregarded completely and replaced with the advice and ways of others. In following another path, she was forced to follow her instincts instilled in her as a young child. To erect the walls, and shield with the veil, to protect her inner self from the outside forces, for lack of confidence in the decisions being made. On the contrary, walls and veils only conceal, they do not protect. These decisions caused more damage than good. That which she was taught as a child to protect her precious thoughts and feelings, in the end almost destroyed her!

So that is what brought her to this moment in time still seated here on this park bench. It all happened so quickly, she is still stunned by the sequence of events that transpired.

She smiles so wide she radiates pure delight! She feels so peaceful now that she has taken the time to go over that day’s events. Life has so much more meaning now that she has realized her true nature, remembered who she was and began to reclaim pieces of her individuality. Life is beginning to make sense and her future is starting to look much brighter. Where she saw nothing but darkness before, she sees sunshine and joy. Where she heard that sinister laugh and dream t the darkest dreams, she laughs freely and it feels so good. She dreams about her future and it is bright! She has wasted so much of her life protecting what did not need protecting, hiding herself from the world when she should have been out there showing the world who she is and what she can do! It is not enough to just be alive, you need to live! Take chances, step outside of your ‘comfort zone, explore beyond your backyard, climb the highest mountain. Jump even when you are afraid to jump, just make sure you have your safety harness on. The freedom that comes with realizing your true potential and that you are significant, this is the greatest feeling in the world! The ‘Demon’ has been released, and she will not go back!

Copyright © September 4, 2010 C. S. Walls